It’s been a hell of a time here at the Storybook Witch house.
September was full of preparations and presentations. Farmers markets, a three-day fair, making room for my Mother-in-law to move in with us earlier than anticipated, increasing my studies of Tarot and Astrology, and writing an online course for launch in October.
I also lost a source of income, so this course and the upcoming Holiday Craft fairs had many financial hopes riding with them.
Towards the end of September, I was getting dressed for the first day of a fair, and slammed my hip into a doorknob. I felt something shift in my ribs/spine and knew I’d need to get to the massage therapist asap after all this chaos. Aside from some soreness and bruising, nothing looked bad but I could feel things shifting off kilter.
“No wories,” I thought. “I’m scheduled for an early October appointment. I can survive until then.”
Whether it was a perfect storm of bad luck, or belated fall-out from a charmed failsafe that went off and hit a target already under protection – OCTOBER FUCKING SUCKED.
September 30th, my car died in the middle of the street. I am now carpooling with MIL, which isn’t too bad bc she smokes more pot than either of us. Her road rage is a little worrisome when you’re traveling in a 1989 Honda Civic that’s smaller than every other car on the road. Imagine driving an angry red Chihuahua.
So once again we have multiple vehicles on the property, but only one of them works/is road legal. It’s also too small to transport our crafting items so we had to cancel our last farmers market, and an invitation to a local crafters market the following weekend. Until Hubs can get a sticker on his truck, we can’t do shows. At all.
So I threw myself at the assignment to get promotional emails to my mailing list, and post on mu.social media, and get interest stirred up for a course launch. I got some very positive feedback, and had hopes that at least one person would sign up and that would be the seed to nurture and see what happened.
I struggle with anxiety and perfectionism that manifests as “100% done, or don’t turn it in”. And no had so many fears about getting things ‘right the firat time’ that I never turned in papers for school and got bad grades for homework. This time I pushed thru the anxiety and fear, I rationalized that I had the course outlined and all the materials, I knew what I wanted to do and the design was flexible enough to accommodate for other input and modifications. I talked myself in to finishing it and having it ready.
Between the stress of that, MIL, family drama, and financial crisis, I was really looking forward to my birthday on the 16th. I love my birthday.
Well my 34th year started off with an occular migraine that sent me, crying in fear bc it’s been 15 years since my last one and this was a doozy, to the eye doctor up the street. I walked to the eye clinic, trying not to sob. Thankfully my eyes are fine, I was dehydrated and stressed and my eyes were strained from all the typing I’d done. I had just launched the sales email the day before. I had three more to go by the end of the week and no could barely look at a screen for more than a minute.
I plowed thru and did the work that scared me.
No one signed up for the course.
And I was mightily disappointed.
But part of me rejoiced that an extra load of responsibility was lifted from my shoulders. I didn’t really want to DO the course, it was the potential for income that I wanted. And when that failed, I could have gone unto a tailspin of self pity. I did allow myself the weekend to sulk and lick my.wounds.