Taking stock

It’s the first full day of my 34th year on this year and I have never felt more conflicted about where I want to be going with my life, and where my life keeps tripping me up.

What lessons am I supposed to be learning?

If I were to base things on how the world itself is going, I’d be sitting in a hole crying my eyes out. And some part of me wants to do just that.

But that’s not a constructive way to spend my energy, so if I can take a few moments for that luxury, then so be it, just get it out of my system and get back to the task at hand.

To use the Existential Kink method, pioneered by Carolyn Elliot, there’s something about this situation that my Shadow absolutely adores and keeps manifesting. She’s figured out how to get her Influence heard over my conscious desires.

Freya teaches difficult lessons and she is a goddess of War. My will is divided, at war with itself. I have a lack of fire in my natal chart, with an abundance of air so everything happens in my head. Getting things from my head to my hands to the world is the hardest part and maintaining it terrifies me.

I know this means it’s something I absolutely OUGHT to be doing. I NEED to do this. I don’t have to like the things, I just have to do them.

It would also help me if the most pressing and important things I could be doing MADE THEMSELVES CLEAR so I know what order to get shit finished.

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