Chimnea Magic

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I sincerely hope my brother-in-law lets us keep the chimnea he left behind. It’s become one of my most useful & convenient magic tools. Between giving us some lovely outdoor fire-nights, being a stick & leaf disposal unit, and focal point for the yard, this thing is backyard witchcraft at its finest!

Magic Stuff I Have Used The Chimnea For:

  • Smoke cleansing large objects. Light a charcoal block in the belly, add loose incense and pass objects thru smoke out the top without scorching anything.
  • Burning a curse poppet at midnight and gathering the ashes to scatter at a crossroads the next morning before sunrise.
  • Safe place for a free-standing candle to burn down. Wax forms a 3-D shape that can then be read for divination.
  • Disposal of leftover spell elements that I didn’t want hanging around.
  • Being a weirdo in public, with none the wiser.

 

If you’re lucky enough to score one of these bad girls, I highly endorse using it to it’s magical limits and beyond. Smaller table-top or tea-light versions can be used for excellent spell work as well. You just have to get creative and make sure you know if your unit can handle high temps or not.

Mini-Chimnea Suggested uses

  • Sprinkle loose incense on a tea light to add the energies to it. You may not get smell, but you’ll feel it.
  • If made of heat-proof metal or clay – Use as a charcoal brazier, just add incense.
  • Chime/ free-standing candle burning container.
  • Put sand in the bottom and use for stick incense.
  • Mini-altar for Hearth Deities and House Spirits.

However you utilize a chimnea, the results are nothing short of enchantingly magical. There’s a primal beauty and wonder in a bonfire, but there’s something about a semi-contained source of fire and heat that hits deeper into the heart. It may be that since  chimnea and similar fires are in our more recent cultural memories,  I feel something more ancient than a wood stove or fire place can fully embody.

It’s more magic than a fire pit, but still mundane.
It invites attention, but not enough to invite suspicion.
I can sit in my yard tossing handfuls of herbs on the fire, and if a neighbor asks what’s that smell, I can say with perfect honesty, that the herbs keep mosquitoes away.
And in the winter, no one’s outside b/c it’s too damn cold.

Yeah, I don’t think my brother in law is getting this thing back any time soon.

 

 

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Putting The Underpants Gnomes To Work, For You (REPOST for St Patrick’s Day)

Note: Originally released as a Patron-Only posting for my Modern Mythology Scholar tier, I decided to re-post this in honor of St Patrick’s Day, Leprechauns, and helper-gnomes of all cultures. May the luck and aid of these mischievous earth spirits bring you everything you ask for, and nothing that you didn’t.

I love South Park. I think I’ve seen every episode at least thirty times, memorized the movie, played Stick of Truth three times, you get the idea. But one of their most brilliant throw-away ideas has taken root in my brain and was just begging for a spot in Modern Mythology: The Underpants Gnomes.

They have the dumbest business plan. They have no idea what phase two entails, but somehow it’s supposed to turn all the underpants they collect into profit. Which, when you know absolutely nothing about business, is pretty much a starting plan. You feel sufficiently busy and over-worked but have nothing to show for it aside from piles of panties. Or whatever you’re collecting/making. The whole episode is a satire of capitalism and small business vs big corporations and how the one can be just as greedy as the other. The Gnomes are the most honest business of all, openly declaring that they’re only doing things for money, without caring how they get it.

I began working with Gnomes (earth spirits, not specifically these guys) in 2015 when I was house-hunting and facing homelessness if we didn’t find a place to live by June. I picked up some  Green Calcite stones at the annual gem & mineral show. I loved how they felt in my hand, very alive and eager to have a job. Green calcite is excellent for helping things manifest, and feels like having an army of little gnomes who are ready and eager to help you achieve your goals. The results can be a bit chaotic if you have very broad needs and desires. Green Calcite gnomes work better when given a fully-outlined plan of action, but take care not to be too specific in your desired results, because they will find exactly what you’re asking for, warts and all.

To use the Gnomes, I carried them in my pockets whenever we went loking at a house or apartment, and during the course of the walk-thru, I would en-devour to place a stone on the property. Sort of like sticking a pin onto a map, but this pin was an energy receiver/transmitter. Because Calcite is a soft stone and beneficial to the soil, I didn’t feel guilty about burying the gnomes where I might not be able to retrieve them later. When the houses we marked either were found to be unsuitable (needed a new foundation, out of our price range, the owners changed their mind, the house was haunted AF), I would turn off the beacon. I had a large chunk of calcite, the Gnome King, who was the control hub.
We did eventually find the perfect house for us, four days under the deadline.

There is a price to their service. It seems that the Underpants Gnomes will also accept socks as payment. Just my socks. My husband seems to have found every sock he ever lost, but nearly all of mine have vanished. So it seems I’ll have to give the little buggers something to keep them busy for a while. Honestly, the Gnomes are… kinda stupid. I mean, they’re willing to do all sorts of tasks in order to collect underthings and I honestly don’t want to know what they’re doing with the socks either. But they’re exceedingly helpful when asked nicely. Just be sure to give them clear instructions, and hide your favorite socks.

“Ah, Gnomes now!”

  • Green Calcite pieces
  • Large Green Calcite chunk (Gnome King)
  • Money attraction oil/incense/powder
  • Money-drawing herbs, folding money, coins, etc
  • Written instructions, or an open contract (your spell)
    • Be clear on what you’re looking for, but not too specific
      • A house within my price range, with land to grow a garden and windows that my cat can sit in, within x miles of my job
      • A job where i can have creative freedom, with a six-figure salary, in a field I enjoy, with awesome co-workers
      • A car that I can afford, that runs perfectly, and will last at least 5+ years

Anoint the stones with Money Drawing oil, burn the incense and pass the stones through the smoke. Talk to the stones and tell then what you’re looking for. If you’re still trying to figure out the details, keep the stones with you when you’re discussing the matters and keep them involved. They’re always listening and they’ll take your counsel in the matters.  Keep the King on your altar and talk to it when you want to relay messages to the other gnomes. You can put money-drawing herbs, cash, house listings, or whatever corresponds to your desire under the Gnome King.

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When you go out job/house/car hunting, bring the stones with you so they can report back to the Gnome King. If possible, plant a Gnome on or near a potential candidate for acquisition. If something better come along, dismiss the Gnomes planted elsewhere from their duty.

When your goal is achieved, be sure to thank the Gnomes and the King for their service. Food, water, and booze are acceptable. Just don’t be surprised if your socks and underthings start vanishing later.