What have I used magic to attain, without regard or care for the consequences? What have I been willing to whore myself out to the gods to get? What have I begged, bargained, pleaded or made promises to acquire?
It ain’t world peace, that’s for certain. Altho I have pledged my services to help bring about the Best Possible Outcome… but i digress.
It may surprise some people but there are three things I have shamelessly demanded from the Universe, and the Universe responded and gave me what I asked for (for better or worse);
- Successful Love
- A home of my own
- Revenge against a dangerous enemy
Selfish? Some might say so. But when you’ve lived without the security of the first two, and the third is something that has you living in fear, something must be done, no?
I have worked magic for others, either passive or active with permission granted beforehand, to varying degrees of success. Honestly, The best results were to when I set the intention that my target would find their way out of misery and into a future they could enjoy. Creature comforts were the first priority of those spells; find them a job they enjoy, a home they can afford, and someone/thing to share it with them (ask my brother-in-law how his cat magically appeared in his life…) and people were happy. I was happy to see them happy. Ii this day of uncertainty and chaos, where few can afford to live, let alone thrive, in a dismal economy then any steps towards financial and domestic security should be paramount.
I’ve done job spells, quick cash spells, charms, and money-drawing work. They either work or they don’t. And I’ve come to realize that I am hit-or-miss when it comes to money spells. I seem to have better results when I ask for opportunities and the courage to go after them.
Not that I truly require a reason, but the thought occured to me a moment ago while watching the 2016 movie with My Knight.
One of the plot points was the purple ooze being able to turn the Guys human and the lengths Mikey and Raph go to in order to get it. They’re both so desperate to be accepted and seen as normal. “People fear what they don’t understand,” said Master Splinter. But I feel their pain and heartache.
I’ve spent my whole life never feeling like I belong anywhere. For a long time I thought I was a changeling or as my brother so eloquently put it, “found by the railroad tracks”. If it hadn’t been for the fact that I look like both my parents, I’d think I was adopted. I don’t truly understand people and they have no idea who I am. Hell I don’t even know who I am. If there was a magic potion I could take that would make me ‘human’ and accepted by everyone, I’m not gonna lie, I would be sorely tempted to use it.
I GET why Mikey and Raph are so determined to take that chance of a lifetime. I said as much to My Knight, who has never been plagued with the concept that he is not who he believes himself to be. “I am who I am. Everyone is different and that’s a good thing.”
“Babe I get that, I do, but you’ve never had the feeling that you were dropped in from another dimension and weren’t given any sort of instruction guide to the inhabitants. I didn’t have the words for it until recently, but now I understand why I connect so strongly to these guys.”
And of course, the lesson is that we are all different and that is what sets us apart from each other and can make us capable of great things. We wouldn’t be able to accomplish what we do if we weren’t who we are. And sometimes you find the right people to reveal yourselves to and they will be the ones to know of your true worth.
But in the back of my mind, I still wonder….
“Watch your mouth!”
“Use more discretion when you talk!”
“You give too much away! Stop talking so much!”
“Why did you say that?!”
*significant looks that something has escaped from my lips that apparently is ‘tmi’ or not something I’m supposed to say.
You’d think that at almost 33 years old, I would have a firm grasp on how to keep my mouth in check around people. And the fact of the matter is that I DO. I hold back about 90% of what I would dearly LOVE to say. Things that, with the revelation of hard truth would destroy alliances, crush the spirit, and bring others to tears in their pressurized venom.
But I bite my tongue. Sometimes literally.
It is only when I feel the slightest bit of rapport, of familiarity, of a kindred mind who just might comprehend what I’m getting at that I let the words come as they will and care not where they land. And with some people, they get it and chuckle or take me seriously, depending on what I’m trying to communicate. And with others, especially my parents, I am met with glares and looks of incredulous shock that something so personal, so hurtful, so snark or inappropriate could escape my lips that I am scolded like a child and told to keep quiet until I can behave.
But if I’ve gone 30+ years being told to monitor my words, and there is only so much control I can maintain, maybe the problem isn’t a lack of conscious effort on my part. Maybe it’s because my brain is wired differently and no matter how hard I try to maintain control, at some point the reigns will slip from my grasp and a wild verbal pony will break away from the herd and cause a little chaos.
I accept my limitations and I know when I’m being actively brutal with my words. Trust me, if you think my accidental slip ups are bad, you don’t want to be around when I let go of the flood gates and really let words pour out of my facehole.
Gods help you of you are the one who triggers the blast…
Disclaimer: This is my opinion and based on my experience after 12 years of researching about autism and being officially diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. It is not meant to replace the DS…
Source: Females with Aspergers Syndrome Checklist by Samantha Craft