Losing myself, but did I ever have myself in the first place?

Where do my loyalties lie?
ARE my loyalties just a lie?
Am I more loyal to my parents or to myself? or the IDEAS of my parents and myself. Is this even my TRUE self I’m trying to assuage or is it the False Self I’ve spent a lifeime cultivating and hiding behind to the point where I don’t know which is which?

Does being loyal mean mindlessly serving something that you have sworn yourself to, regardles sof the pressing evidence to jump ship while possible? Is this a temporaary storm or have I just been tossed around for so long that it’s become normal?

Do I stay or do i go? Do I get out while i still can and turn my back just like those before me have? Do I drive that nail into my mother’s coffin? Or have I been tasked with a force too great for one person to endure and I have the right to put it down before it crushes me?

I’m just gong to spin my wheels some more and do some Anxiety Donuts a bit longer….

When your pop culture cosmology gets tainted

How does one reconcile the fact that the taint of Evil has infiltrated ones most sacred fandom?

Even though it’s a tiny detail, on a short miniseries /side arc, in the unrecorded history of a sadistic villain, who has never in-canon said or acted in accordance with the Tainting Evil, but nevertheless bears a permanent stamp of that Evil… how does a pop culture pagan handle that?

I’m livid and sick to the depths of my heart at the despicable twist Marvel has put into the Captain America legacy. TO TRY AND RETCON THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF THE CHARACTER IS FUCKING HERESY.
There is enough outrage from the fandom that I can see a boycott or hitting Marvel in the wallet might get something accomplished. But then I thought farther.
Marvel is owned by Disney now.
We’re all aware of the darker history behind the house that Walt built, but this would be like them trying to say Donald Duck was a sleeper agent all along.
((Since writing this post on my Tumblr, I have seen a letter writing/phone call campaign forming to contact Disney and let the parent company know that this is NOT family friendly and if there’s one thing Disney cares about, it’s their image and money. Other efforts began last year with the initial reveal, but it appears Marvel cares not a whit for the fans and have doubled down on the desecration of Cap’s legacy. Let’s see if the Nanny Mouse listens.))

And then an artist over at IDW comics answers a fan question and confirms that he made the choice to have Rocksteady sporting a WS tattoo from when he, apparently, ran with some skinheads off-canon.

Rocksteady, whose BFF and not-quite-hetero-lifemate Bebop was a Black man, pre-mutation.

I mean, I can absolutely see that happening. Because even back in 1987, human Rocksteady looked like a goddamn skinhead. So it wouldn’t seem too out of the blue to suggest such a thing, or include it in fanfiction or something. Even in canon mentioning would be different (maybe, idk) than having it RIGHT FUCKING THERE IN THE ARTWORK.

As I said on my side blog, I don’t fucking like or condone the choice, but I understand. It makes a disgusting sort of sense.

But they didn’t have to fucking go and DO IT.

Bebop & Rocksteady don’t have a set place in my personal TMNT universe, or cosmology. But they are an important part of the TMNT multi-verse, and it has been established that all TMNT versions are true.

So the taint has come to the one realm I thought was safe.

And that makes my very soul want to puke.

When the Universe wants to test your resolve…

So I was cruising right along with my life, things were falling in to place and my Witchy home business was starting to attract clients and house blessing jobs and the like.

And then the Retrogrades hit and I got derailed.

But really, I hit a roadblock on what I think the Universe wants from me vs what the Universe is actually throwing at me to get done.

I’ve had three instances where I have been called upon to curse or hex someone who absolutely deserved it. As in, St Michael himself appeared in a dream with his fire sword and said “This person has comitted Sins against God, Man, Woman, Child, and Animal. You must aid us in bringing Justice.” 

The first one,  I have no problem with cursing to the depths of hell and back. They’ve caused irreparable damage to innocent children and are going to trial for it on the New Moon. That’s the one St Michael has already marked.

The second one is my mother-in-laws husband who has become a danger to her and others. He’s got major health issues that he refuses to get treated and the poisonous bile in his body has started eating away at his brain. He himself believes he will be gone by September, and at this point, casting something to speed up nature’s progress would be a mercy. Mom-in-law is not known for her self-preservation skills, so her son (my hubs) is keeping an eye on the situation. This man wil not be missed when he goes.

And the third person is another in-law, one of the cousins. She’s an unfit heroin addict mother, who does drugs in front of her 6 year old son, sucks her mother dry of energy and cash and her health (auntie has has 3 heart attacks thanks to her daughters drama), and most recently tried to hit our 75 year old grandmother who called her out for being a terrible parent. She uses her son as a blackmail to get Auntie to do whatever she wants (“Pay my rent/ electric bil/ drug money or else I’ll never let you see your grandson”), has physically attacked family members and then called the police to have THEM arrested, and knows how to manipulate the system to get exactly what she wants, while neglecting her son and exposing him to dangerous people. He’s only 6 and I’ve watched the innocent light fade from his eyes over the last 2 years. She almost let him choke to death at a Christmas party bc she couldn’t be bothered to get off her phone. My mother-in-law saved his life and that bitch screamed “don’t you touch my kid” when she noticed he was gone. Because she knows how to play the system, no one dared call CPS on her, because they don’t know what horrible lies will fall from her lips. If I could just have 5 minutes to beat the shit out of her, I’d feel better. But I don’t, and can’t. And the list of reasons not to hex this girl have grown shorter and shorter and when I heard that she tried to hit Grammy, that was it.

Black candle time. 

I have cursed in the past,  those who personally harmed me or a loved one. Only once did a curse ever rebound and it was bc of my own hubris and I recognize that. I don’t enjoy curses, not the large ordeals and the preparation and the cleansing afterwards and the knowledge that what I have done has effected someone’s life like that. But the results were for the betterment of other people’s lives.

In my first curse, I got a baby taken away from his neglecting mother who had drug parties in the house. The month after I cursed her, DCF showed up the next morning after a party for a surprise inspection and saw a mountain of cocaine on the table next to the supply cups.

The second time, I was livid-pissed at my cheating ex and screamed into his voice mail that I hoped he never saw his daughter again. He lost visitation privilege a year later and blamed me. Not long after that we broke up and got mutual restraining orders. Almost two years later I got a visit from the local PD who were investigating why someone would have another restraining order against him, and I found out he was wanted in a possible rape/assault case. Which fit his MO and nearly happened to me. I put his ass in a mirror box and tossed it into a swamp. He’s hasn’t been seen in 3 years.

And now I’m faced with three more candidates for “removal” and/or advanced justice. I’ve been dragging my feet thru a moral swamp of do I or don’t I with regards to the in-laws. The first fucker I have no qualms about destroying and sending him to Judgement.

I don’t generally enjoy curse work like this.

But when the Universe keeps throwing garbage in my path, I gotta move it out of the way if I want to continue. 

COMING SOON

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Spiritual Cleansing and Protection is a particular passion for me, and it’s the first thing I recommend to clients and customers going thru some heavy life events. I’ve amassed a large collection of methods and techniques that can be utilized by anyone, and now I’ve begun the daunting task of putting them all in one place.

More info on the platform as it develops! Follow me on Patreon for more info!

Sucking up to the boss: Trump as an Archetype

GODS & RADICALS

Ever since Trump was elected, like many progressives, I have been struggling to understand why. In the course of reading around what Trump himself says, and what his supporters say about him, I started to think about him as much as a spiritual phenomenon, as a political one. These two domains are, after all, more or less impossible to distinguish in any absolute sense.

As is often the case when a line of thinking is worthwhile, another author recently published something along the same lines. Reading Patacelsus’s meditation on the egregore of The Trump Corporation has encouraged me to put down my own thoughts on this subject. But rather than apply the theories of chaos magic and witchcraft to Trump’s ascent, below I’ll use another important conceptual tool from the Pagan toolbox – the Jungian archetype. What archetype might Trump be harnessing to cultivate his success? Why is it so…

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Putting The Underpants Gnomes To Work, For You (REPOST for St Patrick’s Day)

Note: Originally released as a Patron-Only posting for my Modern Mythology Scholar tier, I decided to re-post this in honor of St Patrick’s Day, Leprechauns, and helper-gnomes of all cultures. May the luck and aid of these mischievous earth spirits bring you everything you ask for, and nothing that you didn’t.

I love South Park. I think I’ve seen every episode at least thirty times, memorized the movie, played Stick of Truth three times, you get the idea. But one of their most brilliant throw-away ideas has taken root in my brain and was just begging for a spot in Modern Mythology: The Underpants Gnomes.

They have the dumbest business plan. They have no idea what phase two entails, but somehow it’s supposed to turn all the underpants they collect into profit. Which, when you know absolutely nothing about business, is pretty much a starting plan. You feel sufficiently busy and over-worked but have nothing to show for it aside from piles of panties. Or whatever you’re collecting/making. The whole episode is a satire of capitalism and small business vs big corporations and how the one can be just as greedy as the other. The Gnomes are the most honest business of all, openly declaring that they’re only doing things for money, without caring how they get it.

I began working with Gnomes (earth spirits, not specifically these guys) in 2015 when I was house-hunting and facing homelessness if we didn’t find a place to live by June. I picked up some  Green Calcite stones at the annual gem & mineral show. I loved how they felt in my hand, very alive and eager to have a job. Green calcite is excellent for helping things manifest, and feels like having an army of little gnomes who are ready and eager to help you achieve your goals. The results can be a bit chaotic if you have very broad needs and desires. Green Calcite gnomes work better when given a fully-outlined plan of action, but take care not to be too specific in your desired results, because they will find exactly what you’re asking for, warts and all.

To use the Gnomes, I carried them in my pockets whenever we went loking at a house or apartment, and during the course of the walk-thru, I would en-devour to place a stone on the property. Sort of like sticking a pin onto a map, but this pin was an energy receiver/transmitter. Because Calcite is a soft stone and beneficial to the soil, I didn’t feel guilty about burying the gnomes where I might not be able to retrieve them later. When the houses we marked either were found to be unsuitable (needed a new foundation, out of our price range, the owners changed their mind, the house was haunted AF), I would turn off the beacon. I had a large chunk of calcite, the Gnome King, who was the control hub.
We did eventually find the perfect house for us, four days under the deadline.

There is a price to their service. It seems that the Underpants Gnomes will also accept socks as payment. Just my socks. My husband seems to have found every sock he ever lost, but nearly all of mine have vanished. So it seems I’ll have to give the little buggers something to keep them busy for a while. Honestly, the Gnomes are… kinda stupid. I mean, they’re willing to do all sorts of tasks in order to collect underthings and I honestly don’t want to know what they’re doing with the socks either. But they’re exceedingly helpful when asked nicely. Just be sure to give them clear instructions, and hide your favorite socks.

“Ah, Gnomes now!”

  • Green Calcite pieces
  • Large Green Calcite chunk (Gnome King)
  • Money attraction oil/incense/powder
  • Money-drawing herbs, folding money, coins, etc
  • Written instructions, or an open contract (your spell)
    • Be clear on what you’re looking for, but not too specific
      • A house within my price range, with land to grow a garden and windows that my cat can sit in, within x miles of my job
      • A job where i can have creative freedom, with a six-figure salary, in a field I enjoy, with awesome co-workers
      • A car that I can afford, that runs perfectly, and will last at least 5+ years

Anoint the stones with Money Drawing oil, burn the incense and pass the stones through the smoke. Talk to the stones and tell then what you’re looking for. If you’re still trying to figure out the details, keep the stones with you when you’re discussing the matters and keep them involved. They’re always listening and they’ll take your counsel in the matters.  Keep the King on your altar and talk to it when you want to relay messages to the other gnomes. You can put money-drawing herbs, cash, house listings, or whatever corresponds to your desire under the Gnome King.

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When you go out job/house/car hunting, bring the stones with you so they can report back to the Gnome King. If possible, plant a Gnome on or near a potential candidate for acquisition. If something better come along, dismiss the Gnomes planted elsewhere from their duty.

When your goal is achieved, be sure to thank the Gnomes and the King for their service. Food, water, and booze are acceptable. Just don’t be surprised if your socks and underthings start vanishing later.

Glam Dicenn on the Fascists in Power

Now THIS is a fucking bad-ass curse!

(The Vengeful One came on the radio as I read this. Excellent.)

GODS & RADICALS

in years to come
our demons
will have orange masks
with white, hollow eyes
they will shriek and howl
and gibber
all hands
tiny fingered
grabbing

the filidh must sing the glam dicenn
to curse the powers that would harm
the land
the people
and the honor of the people
to call down destruction on the oathbreakers
who would harm
the weak and the frail
to call down destruction on the oathbreakers
who would close the doors
of the hostel that shelters every stranger

the glam dicenn is sung
by seven filidh
of seven grades
each singing the metre of their skill
at night
on the hill
before dawn
their backs to the harsh north wind

they stab at clay
in the shape of the cursed
with thorns of sceach gheal
sharp as needles
piercing
singing their metres
cying out their incantations
of destruction

I do not have seven filidh

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Welp, now I know that all my wards function properly.

I made an amateur level mistake last night. Thankfully, it only resulted in restless sleep for all of us and a splitting head/neckache for me in particular. 

A client gave me a blanket to take home and  cleanse. Her family is going thru some heavy-duty dark shit and her husband is the epicenter of the storm. I doused the blanket in Florida Water at the office and intended to too it into the washing machine as soon as I got home. Well, needless to say I got distracted and forgot about the blanket until I was just falling asleep. I shrugged and figured I would take care of it in the morning.

Amateur mistake.

Earlier in the evening, the dog was stalking something in the bedroom. We couldn’t see anything, but figured it might have been a mouse. Chico is an excellent mouser, altho the inhabitants of our walls have so far eluded him. The cat was acting weird too, chasing invisible gremlins. 

I had restless dreams and woke up with a head & neck ache. I thought it was allergies or the weird weather. I’ve spent the entire day on the couch with an ice pack on my head. Half asleep, utterly stoned, a sudden thought made me whip off the cold pack and jump off the couch.

I had forgotten about the blanket.

The moment I tossed the blanket into the washer and added salt, oils, soap, and a large splash of Florida Water concentrate. Within seconds, the house felt better and my headache began to fade. I told Hubs what had transpired, and he took a step back.

“THAT’S why the house felt especially dark today!”

So now I’ve got windows open and incense burning and that blanket is getting hung out on the line for the next week.

But it was a great test of my wards and shields around the house. Such a high level of bad energy was knocked down to minimal damage and is already starting to fade.

Tarot Reading for Feb 27th, 2017

Temperance                        Three of Cups        Six of Pentacles –
Kahukura & the Fairy Fishermen
Rider Waite Tarot     Shadowscapes Tarot      Fairy Tale Tarot

Today is a good day for making connections and working on your business dealings. Interactions with colleagues and clients will proceed more smoothly when all ears, eyes, and minds are open to new information. If you have questions that you have been too afraid to ask to mentor-figures or associates, now is a good time to break the silence! Don’t let the fear of looking ignorant stop you, jump in and ask! Once you see how something is done or handled, you can make your own tweaks and personal flair.

 

Pop Culture Political Magic – Seeing the Patterns & Making New Ones

Although I was raised alongside hippies and alternative families, I’d never been huge into the activism scene. My mom was the only member of her family to protest anything back in the day, but it seems she lost the fire when she started her own business and embraced capitalism. Lately through necessity, I’ve found several groups and authors who, along with practical actions, advocate working with the culture spirit of Lady Liberty. They mention other american folk heroes such as Paul Bunyan, John Henry, Sally Ann Thunder Ann Whirlwind, and others. Those are excellent ideas, but out-dated and arguably problematic for themes of colonialism, views of Native Americans as savages, and a healthy dose of racist and sexist mindset. These folk-tales are inherently American in that way. We could look to Native American mythology, and if you are a member or want to get to know the folklore of the people who were on your homeland before European conquest, Go for it! But I want to look at this from a global standpoint, since the problems we’re all facing aren’t just in America, but all over the world and what happens in this country ripples outward to influence the whole web. We all come from different cultures and the regional folk heroes are reflective of that, but there is one shared culture that has become internationally recognized,  Popular Culture.

The world has gotten smaller as globalization and the Internet have connected us in ways only dreamed up by the likes of philosophers and Nikola Tesla. An invisible web of communication as allowed us to talk across the globe in real-time and exchange all sorts of information (for good or ill) at a moment’s notice. Some could, and would be within their rights, to call it a digital web of Wyrd; and electric reflection of the Shamanic Connections that all indigenous cultures recognize/d and work/ed within. For millennia, these cultures’ shaman and holy people have acknowledged the fact that all living creatures are connected in some way. Circle of Life, All-One organism, webs and nets and the like, Energy, Spirit. What happens to one thread influences all threads of the greater weaving, and they can either break under the strain or support a greater weight. We’re all connected so it would behoove us to help each-other out for the benefit of the tribe/ species. It’s how we have ALWAYS survived as humans – take care of your neighbor because we are all on this same blue marble in space.

I would argue that Chaos Magic operates on similar principles as far as the idea that it’s the belief in our actions that create changes around us. The belief that our actions send out signals on the Web of Magic and things happen ¹ . Belief in a thought-form gives shape to the thought and thus fuels  creation into a separate Being. We also know from psychology that human minds are very open and susceptible to influence across a wide social network, even if they’re not fully aware of it. That is the essence for Marketing. Meme magic was put into play during the farce of an election by various trolls who (for all I know) did it for the lulz. Their actions shook the web and I would also argue that many threads were broken by the actions and that’s partly why we are on such a precarious balance and tipping more every day. We are also seeing the resistance fighting back with perfectly set-up responses to adversarial Meme Magic .

We’ve seen how the global mindset is reverting over to right-wing, authoritarianism. What triggered it? Better minds than mine have offered ideas and pointed fingers, or else are still puzzling over why we’re taking such a phenomenal leap backwards along evolution. I am not interested in looking back and asking “How did we get here?” We are HERE. NOW. My biggest question is “How do we get to someplace better?

It’s hard to even imagine a better place right now, being bogged down by all the horrors going on, more and more piled on us each day. But we cannot let the bad news and awful situations rob us of the future that so many are fighting for. You never know what you’ve got until someone takes it away, and now we who grew up in a world where we thought we had rights and freedoms (and were sheltered by our racial and gender privilege), are having those freedoms we took for granted ripped away faster than we can process.

This is intentional.

Human beings as a whole are loathe to make drastic changes unless our backs are against the wall and we have no other recourse but to power through and see what’s on the other side. And we allowed ourselves to collectively get where we are, by making the same choices over, and over, and over again. Insanity is defined as doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. Right now, we are an insane society. When our ancestors started changing how they did things, they either kept up what worked, or abandoned what didn’t. And then the Industrial revolution and the rise of capitalism happened and we became complacent that the way we’d always done things was how they would always function. We now know the folly of that thinking;  Infinite growth on a finite resource doesn’t hold up. And the only reason we haven’t collectively made the people in charge change is because we fell for the greatest propaganda plot ever conceived. So how do we break free of that kind of deeply-ingrained thoughtform?

It sounds trite, but the only way we can start to break free of that kind of programming is to recognize it for what it is, and program something different. Think of a different outcome. Maybe don’t expect it to come true right away, because to do that now will lead to all sorts of disappointment. Instead, focus on how good living in a better future would feel. The whole point of Star Trek: TOS was to showcase how successful humanity could be when we stop focusing on our differences and instead work towards a common great goal. For decades, we’ve been focusing on dystopian fantasy, and sometimes it looks like the opposition are using those books as a guideline. But they forget that the dystopian novels always have some plucky band of rebels who stand up and say ‘This doesn’t have to be! We can do better!’ and in the end, they win. We don’t see much of the aftermath, when the rebels are building anew society on the ruins of the old ones. Solarpunk is a beautiful inspirational genre for such visualizations. (If anyone has any fiction recommendations where people are rebuilding the world and it works out, please let me know. I could use some inspirational material.)

If despair is taking hold and you’re having a tough time imagining a better world, remember this quote from Sir Terry Pratchett –

“YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT AREN’T TRUE. HOW ELSE CAN THEY BECOME?” – Death, Hogfather