Why You Should Hire Me to Be Your Storybook Witch

Because I will enchant your life for the better.

Because I will dance with the fairies on your behalf.

Because I will light candles and pray for you.

Because I will argue with the spirits on your behalf

Because I will sing your songs and blessings and beg your case in the Spiritual Courts.

Because I will make you charms and spells.

Because I will bless your items and lineage.

Because I will help you in any way I know how to get your results.

Because I will help you find your story and edit the shittier parts out.

Because I’m a hopeless romantic and I want to see everyone find their Special Perfect Someone, even my enemies.

Because I will hex your enemies who have brought you pain and suffering, with dispassionate detachment and show them where they erred in crossing you and send them back all the pain and suffering they dished out, tenfold.

Because I will work with your angels to bring back your personal Inner Light.

Because I know how to Do Things.

Because I have done them before in my own life and know what works and what wastes time.

Because I have done things for other people and witnessed extreme changes in their lives for the better.

Because I have written about what I do, then reported the results of my actions.

Because I will own-up to my mistakes and try something different next time.

Because you have seen what I’m capable of doing.

Because you want to see if it will work in your life as well.

Because you’re willing to take a chance and have an adventure.

Because you need a witch to get things done.


I pour a lot of my heart and soul into my work, even if it looks like playing around or being weird. I pour a LOT of energy into what I do because I love it.

I love it because without the ability to be Witchy, I’m miserable and useless and i fucking hate feeling that way.

This is what I was put on the planet to do.

I need to pay money to live in my house, heat my food, run water and cleanse all the things, and have the freedom to maintain my home and space for my clients.

If I’m going to be putting full effort into changing your life, and maintaining my own need for space, I need to be compensated accordingly.

Fees are calculated to offset what I would need to earn as a Muggle in order to live a modest lifestyle.

Your monthly fee literally goes directly to my mortgage, groceries, electric bill, and water/sewer.

The more clients I maintain, the less I need to charge. I have a finite amount of attention to give, so full-time Witchcraft clients are limited.
If the price is daunting, or you’re not ready to commit to a full-time experience, There’s an A la Carte menu for a reason.

This is a two-part investment. You are pledging to do your part to keep spell-work moving. A steep price tag drives home the point that you’re just as dedicated to change as I am. You may feel foolish at some of these requests but, I promise, if you follow the guidelines you will see the real magic in the world.


I know it seems like a lot, and it’s a hell of an investment. But the results are worth it. I should know; I’m living their proof!