Losing myself, but did I ever have myself in the first place?

Where do my loyalties lie?
ARE my loyalties just a lie?
Am I more loyal to my parents or to myself? or the IDEAS of my parents and myself. Is this even my TRUE self I’m trying to assuage or is it the False Self I’ve spent a lifeime cultivating and hiding behind to the point where I don’t know which is which?

Does being loyal mean mindlessly serving something that you have sworn yourself to, regardles sof the pressing evidence to jump ship while possible? Is this a temporaary storm or have I just been tossed around for so long that it’s become normal?

Do I stay or do i go? Do I get out while i still can and turn my back just like those before me have? Do I drive that nail into my mother’s coffin? Or have I been tasked with a force too great for one person to endure and I have the right to put it down before it crushes me?

I’m just gong to spin my wheels some more and do some Anxiety Donuts a bit longer….

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s