A recent topic of conversation in the Pop Culture Magick FB group, as well as my own POp culture working at a concert this weekend have led my mind to wandering. Let’s see what thread I can unravel today.
Music has a huge impact on me. I love almost all types and genres, with few exceptions. Like all music lovers, I have my preferences and affinities. Hard Rock and Metal bands are my music of choice, particularly for Woo purposes.
Some bands have distinct elemental energies to their sound. I’ve personally designated the two I saw last night into Water and Fire: Breaking Benjamin and Disturbed.
Before the show, I was deeply engrossed in some personal work. Long story short, I’ve been gathering old habits and traits to be purged of, and I was going to use the Fire Energy of Disturbed to set a light to these fears and anxieties and shadows and burn them away for good. I had some negative associations with my favorite band, persons who I wanted to forget who essentially got me hooked on the band. I’ve had some strange dreams, as well as an almost-shared dream of being stalked by assassins with my husband, Sir Jay. In the past, as well as the present, I have utilized Disturbed’s music for magic work – Curses to my enemies, personal empowerment, expressions of grief and outrage and emotional release and every time I hear a particular song, it acts as an auditory sigil to keep a spell going until I say stop. Slowly, I have begun to reclaim a band away from strong negative memories and feelings, and the fact that I was able to go to a show that my enemy most decidedly would never be seen at, gave me the opportunity to forge new, clean memeories of the music and cleanse myself of the past. It also helped that I was there with my husband and brother-in-law and their presence is both protective and comforting.
So i had a goal in mind, but no exact plan. While we tailgaited in the parking lot, I was blissfully stoned and immersed in music as I sat in the car against the opressive heat. I tapped into the local spirits, looked for some Pokémon, and started ruminating on the Teams and their elements. Fire, Water, and Lightning. I’m Team Instinct, mainly b/c I love an underdog, and I’ve always had an affinity for lightning in games. In thinking of their qualities as elements, I charged some Quartz crystal objects I had thought to bring along (but forgot my sketchbook goddamnit) and channeled the various energies in ways that mean more to me than I care to write out. It was some major energy work on myself, healing wounds i hadn’t realized were there from 15 years ago, as well as evaporating the last memories of things I’m glad to be rid of. I stored the crystals in my pocket for use later during the concert.
When we finally went into the venue, there were severe thunderstorms heading right for us! Lightning, Water, and Fire, i thought, and clutched my Mjolnir tightly, asking Thor to keep the lighting North of us but the rain would be welcome. The storms ended up breaking apart directly over us and we got a little sprinkle and a steady breeze for the rest of the concert. The opening bands were good, but not what I came to see.
Breaking Benjamin held their water associations for me with blue lights and cool washes of emotion. I held my crystals as I danced and felt their waves communicating to me.At one point, I felt I was being offered a choice in how to channel the Power I had programmed into the crystals. More like a bargain from a certain deity whose name I carry, but his terms were too steep a price I was willing to pay. Call me Arwen or Littler Mermaid, Old Man, but I choose to live this life on my terms. I honor and love you, but I will not be a servant to rules I find unfair. I will make the most of my mortal existence this time and see those I love flourish alongside me. I would rather a simple and happy life over drama and angst and desires, thank you all the same.
I made a choice and while I could tell He was unhappy by it, he nodded, said I had been taking lessons in negotiating with Uncle Loki again. He didn’t sound displeased with it though. Like I was learning and that was an acceptable answer. He faded Behind the Scenes and another God came to me. The Forest Lord who gave me my heart’s desire and who has always called to me in my deepest soul. I made a request to him, my terms of service and what I wanted from Him if we were to partner and I worked for His Team. With Him I find that I do more talking than he does, but he also listens and gives back good advice and counsel. I told him what I expected and what I was willing to do to get it, if he was agreeable. The final music set would be his answers – a musical divination.
And then came Disturbed. Fire. Vengeance, Blood, a sweeping hand over the earth to purge all those who had contributed to the downfall of humanity. He is Lord of Death and Rebirth and growth and the hunt. An impartial angel who culls the forests and plants and life itself in order to make way for new growth. Nature is always starting over again. The world split and I felt myself pulled towards a new tunnel of …. time? another Universe? Some kind of split and I asked for the best possible outcome for the world; for the better future that I can live to see and send my children out to keep things going forward. The world solidified around me; i felt anchored and locked into my body in time, space, and place, but still attached to the rest of the cosmos. I tried not to think too deeply of the sacrifice I had made. Myself to Myself. That Tallah will make her own choices. I am here and now and things are already better in my heart. The Little Mermaid did not die when her Prince married another, for he did love her (Little Sister) and that love kept her human and alive. And so she went off into the world to discover all that she had dreamed of. It still hurt like knives to use her feet, but she could dance and play music and sing with her hands and body. The sea witch had her voice but could not take her music. I have my prince as well; not the fairytale Adonis in shining armor, but the knight in battered armor and grubby work boots, who has worked his body to a state he needs to go easy and settle down. A knight who has been searching for his Princess-Queen to serve and adore and protect and provide for. A good man, all too rare in this day and age, who respects and loves and will protect me at all costs, who appreciates my affection and knows what it is to cherish those he loves. A knight who knows his Princess is also a Witch and will do strange things and seem to leave her body, but so long as he knows there is nothing to fear in her behavior, he will guard her body until she returns from trance. He was a gift to me from My Beloved, a vessel of His for this life. And so as I now have the greatest gifts my Lord of the Forest could give me (that I asked for), I will aid Him in the recovery and rebirth of the world I want to see happen. And all it took was releasing the alternate timeline of failure and decay and running towards the other option. I will play my part as a Witch. I will use my Power and Knowledge and Influence and Connections to work towards the betterment of this world and all its people. because I’m one of those fools who live on this planet and I want it to be as good as we are capable of, and then some.My eyes have been Opened (live debut of that song) and they will stay awake and open from that moment onward. I am fully in this world, for that is where I said i wanted to be. He provides and now I have my part of the deal in play. We must all endure the chaos of renewal. I fed my Shadow to the Sickness and He ate of those things I wished to purge and He liked them. I have reclaimed my own darkness and rid myself of an unnatural infection. My darkness is a part of the Natural Order of things and very different from the darkness I had pushed into me against my will. Only the natural order of things will remain.
An equal cross, pentacle, Star of David, crescent moon, and circle all make up their symbol. The meanings are not lost on me, if anything they are clearer than I can comprehend or translate.
In the car, waiting for people to make their way out, I was bathed in the energy of the concert and my ears still rang. I felt my heart give a sudden flutter and for a moment I was terrified. It felt like it was suddenly given a jumpstart and I was breathing deeper than I had in years. Felt my brain and body wake up fully as my sense came back on-line. I have a clear idea on what I’m supposed to do in this Lifetime to ensure the kind of future for my children that my parents half-wished for me, but ultimately failed to bring about. I will not let my children down like that.
A small but significant political victory helped confirm my choices and cement my path direction. As Brother David said last night “All lives matter, every life matters, and if we all started treating each other with more love and kindness maybe we wouldn’t have gotten into this shit in the first place!” And so his words echo into my head and heart and I will do all I can to spread Love and Kindness and to destroy those who would snuff out those most noble of virtues. I am a Witch, I am Libra, I am a Balancer of the Scales and they need some shifting. I hope what I did helped to spread Brother David’s magical voice and message to the world. M heart doesn’t feel heavy anymore. My chest tells me to sit up and breathe more. How long was I not breathing?